Is it working? do you get the results you want by shouting?
What are the results of shouting and yelling at family?
How do you feel when you’re shouted at?
How do you think others feel when you are shouting at them?
What happens to your body when you are shouting?
How does angry shouting at others impact your relationships?
How does being shouted & yelled at impact your relationships?
How does being angry shouted at impact your mental health?
How does shouting impact your mental health?
What can you do instead of shouting?
How often do you shout in a week?
What can you do to stop shouting & yelling?
When you angry shout – what are you really feeling?
How would your life look & feel if you weren’t shouted at?
How would your life look & feel if you didn’t shout?
What’s the alternative to shouting? Is there one?
What impact does shouting have on our nervous system?
What impact does being shouted at have on our nervous system?
Where do you feel it in your body when you shout?
Are there times when it’s good to shout?
How do you deal with being shouted at?
Tips to share on assertive communication
Use ‘I’ statements. E.g “When you cancel on me at last minute, I feel let down, then I feel really pissed”
Practice saying no – without aggression or getting angry
Rehearse what you want to say – if it means in the mirror do so. It’ll help you get comfortable the more you practice.
Keep emotions in check. Step away if you need to
Start slowly – in low-anxiety situations; don’t jump into a highly emotional situation until you have more confidence.
Choose the right time – to ask for a request or a chore to be completed
Choose the right place – choose a safe natural space. E.g not when in a rush or driving
Be direct and to the point kindly. Try not to use insults or name calling.
Be specific. Instead of saying “I need this by Monday” – say “I would the X project finished & emailed to me by 9.00 Monday morning.
Confirm your request. Ask others to write down or record what is being agreed. Then ask them to repeat was agreed. Then you repeat what was agreed.
Stand up for yourself. But it doesn’t mean shouting, verbal abuse, aggressive behaviour or violence
Express your opinions honestly. When you disagree do not pretend to agree
Learn to accept kind words. When someone compliments you, say, “Thank you.”
Maintain eye contact when in a conversation – it helps to get your point accross
Don’t get personal. When angry or annoyed don’t use the other persons triggers.
State what you want. Try ask for another behaviour “shall we sit down and talk about it so we can both stop getting so stressed?
Reward yourself each time you push yourself to respond assertively. Do this regardless of the response from the other person.
Avoid using the other persons triggers. This kinda just escalates the situation
Don’t put yourself down when you are passive or aggressive. Instead, identify where you tripped up and learn how to grow. We don’t learn new skills overnight.
Use body language to get your message across. “ I need that job finished Tuesday morning,” is an assertive statement. But mumbling this statement while staring at the floor, you undermine your message.
Notice your body – become aware of where you feel it when you are shouting. Make a mental note.
Take some time out. Don’t be afraid to step away for a few minutes to calm down or let the other person calm down.
Note our tone of voice – A calmer tone is not so intimidating .. and sounds like you know what you want opposed to a shrieking shouting.
Google “Fogging – a assertive communication technique “
Repeated Assertion– allows you to feel comfortable by ignoring manipulative verbal side traps, argumentative baiting or irrelevant logic while you stick to your point.
Don’t Judge or Exaggerate – or label. Just describe. Visualise you taking the emotion out of your body & putting it on a shelf. Then talk.
Put It all together – “When you [their behaviour], I feel [your feelings]”
List behaviour, results, and feelings – When you [their behaviour], then [results of their behaviour], and I feel [how you feel].
Allow yourself to feel anger – then– ask yourself how you cancommunicate your anger assertively.